Damned Spiders


It’s that time of year!

Now, I’ve never really had a problem with creepy crawlies. But within the last year or so I’ve had a big issue with them – And by issue, I mean – Let’s see how loud Niles can squeal like a five year old girl this time! It used to be a simple pop of the glass and out the window, now it’s; I want to be on the other side of the world from it.

So right now, I’m currently at war with spiders – Soon as our home is right damn next to wildlife, we tend to get a lot of them this time of year. Now I’m from the UK – We don’t get many deadly things and such when it comes to spiders, and their size is nothing compared to what the rest of the world has – But for someone like me, who hasn’t lived around huge ass spiders, realizing that some shed/roof spider is two times bigger than what they used to be from last year – Basically means hell has been unleashed upon me!

Now, me and my partner literally live in the countryside – You walk out the backdoor and there’s fields, fluffy cows – the frigging lot. Let’s just say I’m a typical English famer (just without the farmer part). So crawly things shouldn’t be a problem. It was actually when I went to visit my mother for a few days! One huge ass one was casually in my old room above the curtain rail, and I didn’t realize that the bugger was there until a good hour of tossing and turning and staring at a black splodge. Not even the dear dyson could get to it! And it must have been the biggest I’d seen in this country – Since then – Na, don’t let me near them!

Our main issue is False Black Widows, as we seem to have a few trees around us that they seem to like. Last year we had a few bites from the little asses during the night, and boy – They’re nasty! But, strangely very pretty to look at. And I’m sure they’re bigger this year!!

I do apologize, dear reader! Once again, I’ve rambled on. About spiders. In the UK. That are pretty much harmless (unless you’re allergic). I’ve got a major psychological thing going on here!

Anyway, here’s a quick manuscript of Church attacking a spider – With a top hat (just to make them a little more likeable). Soon as his inner persona pretty much represents myself, I thought it would be a little entertaining to see what it turned out like! Enjoy!

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